


Various villains and their villainies ways

by amlago



Series: Mad geniuses and fluffy tigers [3]
Category: Calvin & Hobbes, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 17:03:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4400123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amlago/pseuds/amlago
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Calvin handles meeting a couple of different villains, and a little about how they handle meeting him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loki

No one, except maybe Thor, expected Loki to stay wherever the Asgardians had put him after the whole conquering the earth fiasco. So therefore there was no surprise when he suddenly appeared again. The problem was only that the Avengers were away fighting another supervillain and wouldn't be able to come back for at least a couple of hours. The other problem was that instead of suddenly appear in the middle of the city to hold one of his supervillain monologues he appeared on the floor that Calvin had taken over in the tower.

One of Calvin interns, or minions as he called them, quickly proved why she had been able to stay so long working there when she squeaked as Loki suddenly materialized in front of her and instead of panicking thrust a paper and a purple pen at him.

"Please give me your autograph! I'm a big fan of yours! Oh, oh, Jarvis please take out picture, I'm so putting this on my Facebook and Twitter."

"Mortal, where is the one you call Calvin?"

"Oh, god, you spoke to me," she sits down on the floor in front of a bemused Loki. "Calvin, boss man, oh overlord of supreme awesomeness! Get your ass here, there's a situation." She gives Loki a bright smile and stands up.

"What situation?" Asks the other intern and quickly pales when he sees Loki. "Oh god, not the mutated space whale turtles again."

Calvin finally appears, with Hobbes on a small wagon behind him. Loki can't help but stare at them. Calvin is wearing a long colorful scarf and Hobbes is wearing a red fly and some kind of tweed jacket.

"Oh, you're here! Excellent."

"Mortal, what are you wearing?"

"We're dressed like Doctor Who, you're welcome to watch it with us. Someday Tony and I will build a Tardis of our own and then we'll go everywhere. The one I have at the moment only goes to back in time, but then again I've had it since I was a child."

Loki is about to decline, or smite, when after glancing at Hobbes he suddenly changes his mind and decides to try another tactic.

"Very well, I can at least try your pitiful entertainment."

"Wow, if you just had greasier hair and wore a sneer I could swear that Snape was standing there. You should call us dunderheads instead of mortals."

"I have no problem with calling you lot dunderheads if that's what you want." Why should he, one insult was as good as the next.

He was not ready with the reaction he gets. All three gives him wide smiles and the female mumbles something about naughty potion masters. Loki decides he doesn't want to know what they're thinking about.

"Now, mor... I mean dunderheads, what is this entertainment you're offering me?"

"We're going to have a Doctor Who marathon, or rather continue with one since we started last week."

"Doctor Who?" Loki asks.

"Exactly. My two minions have brought snacks."

"No, I meant, never mind. Snacks?"

"Refreshments, snacks, stuff you can eat. Goodie bags."

"We've brought finger food. And soda."

Loki wants to ask about what they mean about finger food, but doesn't want to appear unknowable.

”Oh, finger food, what kind?"

"Well, since it's Icterine's turn to provide I'm suspecting it to be mostly green stuff."

Icterine decides to explain to the visiting god.

"There's cucumber sticks, carrot sticks, some zucchini, I've also made chicken fingers and of course there's some chips. And my name isn't really Icterine I just refused to be called minion number three or whatever number Calvin was planning on calling me, we agreed to stick with colors instead."

"We're just lucky it wasn't chemicals," the other intern mutters.

"Oh, hush. You're just disappointed that you weren't allowed to choose an ordinary color."

"I'm just glad Calvin finally agreed to change my name from Outrageous Orange to Malachite," he says after a moment.

He then ignores the snickering from his female counterpart.

"I'm getting the special plates," Malachite hurries from the room.

Icterine who's now gotten over the impact of having an alien god or supervillain or whatever he thought of himself as, gives Loki a bright smile.

"So, are any of the myths of you true or are they just a bunch of stuff that Vikings made up while being high on toadstools?"

"While I don't know for certain what they had consumed before thinking up the stories, the myths are not historical accounts."

"So there's no giant snake in the ocean somewhere that calls you mum, oh well. Please tell me that Thor at least wore a wedding dress at one point."

At this Loki cracks a smile.

"No snake, and no wedding dress, but he once ended up in a nightgown after a night of debauchery."

"I've set up the projector!" Calvin hollers from the other room.

"Coming!" Icterine yells in reply and indicates that Loki should precede her.

After giving her a suspicious look he calmly walks over to the other room. One of the first things he notices is his old helmet with Hobbes in it. Apparently he won't be getting it back any time soon, but hopefully he can get something in exchange.

"It could prove beneficial for you if you would offer me something for the helmet your cat us currently occupying." One thing Loki was certain of was that threat would get him nowhere.

"Sure, I have the perfect thing. But first there will be Doctor Who."

"Very well, I'll see this doctor of yours."

"Great," Calvin hesitates, wondering if he should do one of the shoulder slaps that Tony is so fond of but decides not to.

Icterine starts taking out the snacks and then Malachite enters, carrying things. Loki didn't think they looked anything like any plates he'd seen before, but the others happily took one each. In the middle was three deep indentations and there seemed to be some kind of cups sticking to the plates.

"Oh, yeah, Calvin made those. Since someone can't help but double dip we agreed it would be best if everyone had their own plate. Here," he takes the plate from Loki and puts something in the three indentations and then fills the fours cups with vegetables. "You can put more dip in if they become empty." He then points on the three different dips. "That's guacamole, ranch dressing and sour crème and onion. We also have some hummus on the table, but not everyone likes that."

As Loki inspects his plate the other three quickly takes their places in a couple of beanbags. The Asgardian gingerly sits down in one and finds it strangely comforting.

 

\---

 

Meanwhile Jarvis has been giving Tony and the rest of the Avengers continuing briefings on what's been going on since Loki arrived at the tower. The superheroes have just finished subduing their enemy but still have a couple of hours traveling before they're back at the tower. Iron Man could probably make the journey faster on his own, but they don't want him there by himself.

"What do you mean they're watching Doctor Who?" Tony complains, while the rest is in stunned silence. "He knows I like that show, and why haven't I seen those plates?"

"That's what you're complaining about?" Steve asks. "You're not worried about the dangerously insane alien that suddenly decided to pay a visit?"

"Eh, no? Should I be? Calvin can take care of himself, and he's got Hobbes with him, I'm pretty sure that Loki isn't going to try anything with Hobbes there."

"Aye, my friend. My brother has much respect for spiritual animals."

"Dude, you are aware that Hobbes is a stuffed tiger, right?" Clint asks, even though there's something about Hobbes that feels slightly off. He has a suspicion that the toy sometimes moves even though he never seen it, and he refused to even comment on the fact that Hobbes even had a Twitter account where the tiger discussed tuna and posed with food or sometimes even a sleeping Calvin. "But I agree that Calvin probably is crazy enough to handle your brother."

Nothing else seemed to happen back at the lab, other than Loki getting involved in the plot of Doctor Who and demanding more of the sparkly water sugar as he called cola. About fifteen minutes before the Avengers arrives Loki departes from the lab. And according to Jarvis he only took with him an empty cardboard box that Calvin had presented to him as payment for his helmet. The Avengers where of course perplexed by this and didn't understand Calvin's insistence that it hadn't been a cardboard box but his homemade time machine from when he was a child. Tony even had Jarvis show him the video fee from where Calvin handed over the box and could easily say it was an ordinary box with some child-like scribbles on it.

After this Loki wasn't seen for a couple of month, making his brother worried. And even after he appeared again he didn't seem interested in doing villainous deeds and instead spent much of his time in different museums and looked at dinosaur’s bones. The Avengers adopted a wait and see approach for the moment when it came to Loki since they didn't have anything that could hold him anyway.


	2. Bucky Barnes x5

1

Bucky refuses to think of the first time he met Calvin. Since that time he somehow ended up as a birthday present to one of Calvin female friends. As an assassin and a spy he's proud of the fact that he's hard to find, and then somehow ending up trussed up as a present together with Captain America, or Steve Rogers was a blow to his ego. Of course he made his exit as soon as he could and then did his best to disappear.

 

2

The next time Bucky sees Calvin he quickly turns around and goes the other way. And then spends a week being paranoid and only staying at one pace a couple of hours before going to next place. After a week he calms down and tries to figure out what it is about the blond young man that freaks him out so much.

 

3

The third time he wakes up strapped to a table with Calvin laughing evilly at him. He knows it's evilly since Calvin tells him before laughing again. It doesn't help to calm him down when he notices the stuffed tiger sitting by his head.

"I'm creating art!" Calvin proclaimed.

It's not until Calvin takes out something that looks like some kind of torture instrument that Bucky freaks out. But the straps holding him are sturdy enough that he can't free himself. Five hours later he's released and quickly makes his escape, after Calvin shoves a couple of DVD:s at him and orders him to look at them. That night he learns that he has Twilight Sparkly etched on his metallic shoulder and that according to a couple of colorful ponies, friendship is magical. Bucky decides to send the movies to Steve, since this seemed like something he would enjoy. Three weeks later Bucky makes a user on a brony page, after making sure it can't be traced back to him.

 

4

The fourth time is in the middle of the night at a Starbuck. Calvin is clearly hyped up on either coffee or sugar or both and has a manic look in his eyes. Bucky freezes and then tries to slowly edge away. But no such luck. Calvin sees him and quickly grabs his arm. Bucky is certain, well almost certain, that he can break free if he wants to, but experience has taught him to be wary of the blond maniac.

"You're so lucky that you met me. They're showing Rocky horror picture show in half an hour. All we need is toilet paper and we're set."

Which is how Bucky Barnes, feared assassin ends up first in a public toilet in search of paper and then in a rundown cinema watching one of the strangers movie he's ever seen. He just counts himself lucky that Calvin hadn't dressed up as one of the characters, as some of the others have done.

 

5

Bucky has a sneaking suspicion that Calvin somehow thinks they're friends. Why else would the other send him a present in form of one of the more sadistic Hydra doctors? Bucky knows it's a birthday present since it says so on the crate, and the big bow is also a hint. Once again he wonders how Calvin always seems to know where he is, or at least knows how to find him. But he puts that out of his mind. First he needs to take his gift to an empty warehouse and then show the good doctor how much he appreciated being experimented on. Perhaps even do a few experiments on his own. Payback is as they say a bitch.

 

+1

Bucky stares at the stuffed tiger in the middle of the sidewalk. That's Calvin's tiger, sitting by himself on the sidewalk. After looking around he realizes that Calvin isn't around. At first he hesitates but then he gently picks up the soft toy, wondering what he's supposed to do now. After turning it over a couple of times he comes to a decision. It's the only way since he refuses to go over to the tower, the chance that he would be recognized was too big. No, this was the only way.

Two days later Calvin receives a package in the mail. And from the grumbling he can easily tell that it's Hobbes inside. He quickly opens it and frees his friend.

"No tuna!" Hobbes complains. "Can you believe it? Sending me in the mail, but forgetting the tuna, what if I had starved?"

Calvin doesn't answer, he's reading the note that came with.

A couple of days later Bucky finds five cans of tuna in the motel room he's staying in at the moment. He can't help but smile at the note while he quickly packs again. Somehow he needs to find someplace where Calvin can't find him.


	3. Doom

Calvin likes Doom, mostly because anybody with that kind of name must become a supervillain. But also because he likes to go up to the roof of Stark Tower and watch when the doombots attacks the Fantastic Four or the Avengers. It's better that fireworks and if he's lucky he can get a bot to experiment on afterwards. Calvin is somewhat convinced that Doom has a crush on Mr. Fantastic, why else would he continue to attack them over and over again. Reed Richard had not been amused when Calvin told him to be a man and kiss and make up with doom, the other three had on the other hand laughed and agreed.

It's therefore not strange that he's on the roof when New York once again is attacked because Doctor Von Doom is having a tantrum. It's only when he doesn't come inside after the attack that Tony is notified by Jarvis. Tony immediately goes up to check on his friend, only to find Hobbes lying alone on the roof in a pile of popcorns. He then does the mature thing and hacks SHIELD so he can get Fury on the line. Fury is less than amused by this, but grudgingly promise to assemble the Avengers if Calvin isn't heard of in a couple of hours. Fury thinks that Calvin probably just wandered of somewhere, but if he learnt one thing it's that you can never be too careful, especially dealing with Tony or Calvin.

It takes five hours before Calvin comes back, and then it's just luck that the Avengers haven't left yet. The only reason that they're still in the tower is because they couldn't agree on where to look for Calvin. Calvin on the other hand arrives carried through the window, that Jarvis luckily has time to open, by one of the doomsbots. He looks grumpy but unhurt, and delivers a kick at the doomsbot before it has time to leave again. He makes a surprised noise when Tony engulfs him in a hug.

"Calvin! You had me worried," he then pats the younger man on the head clearly uncomfortable with showing that much emotion.

"Stupid doomsbot grabbed me from the roof, made me spill my popcorn."

"And what happened?" Steve asks, worried that the younger man has been hurt in any way.

"I'm not allowed to ever enter Latveria, and I mean never. Apparently I’ll be executed if I put as much a toe in the country. It's an overreaction."

"What did you do?" Clint asks grinning.

"Nothing! I can't help it if Doom doesn't appreciate my singing. I mean it's the perfect theme song for him!"

Tony and Clint start sniggering, while the rest of the Avengers look confused.

"Please tell me you sang the Doomsong."

"Of course. Now if you excuse me I'm going to my lab so I can email the good doctor some episodes. Clearly he's missing things in his education."

"Wait, just how long did you sing for?" Clint asks.

"Eh, around three hours I think."

Calvin leaves two amused Avengers behind and can hear Tony asks Jarvis to put on Invader Sims as he enters the elevator.


	4. Hydra

Calvin is in the bank exchanging two hundred dollar to small change. The teller doesn't even bat an eye when he asks for small change, even though both he and Hobbes are dressed like pirates. Hobbes even has an eye patch.

The small wooden chest he bought earlier this week will make an excellent treasure chest as soon as he has a treasure to put in it. So far Calvin has put two gold chains in it, two chains he's found in his apartment and suspects are Tony's. But as long as the other doesn't ask about them he's keeping them. Now he only has to figure out how to paint all the coins golden and to find some kind of jewels to put in the chest. He quietly hums a pirate song as he watches the teller put all the coins in the leather bag he brought with him.

The five Hydra soldiers that enter the bank with guns in their hands have no idea what's waiting for them.

"Everybody on the floor!" One of them bellows and shoots a bullet through the roof.

Panic breaks out and most people take cover.

Calvin on the other hand swings his leather bag and nails the closest bank robber in the head with it.

"Shiver me timbers!" He shouts, since it's what pirates yell.

Two of the robbers turn their guns towards Calvin while the other two continues to threaten the others in the bank.

"On the floor or we'll shoot you," one of them tells him.

"You don't scare me insect man, I'm a mighty pirate."

"We're Hydra."

Calvin finally sits down on the floor but looks confused.

"You're lying, you're not Greeks and you only have one head."

Since he's finally on the floor they ignore him and one of them checks their downed companion. Calvin turns to Hobbes.

"Quick Hobbes call Jarvis." He waits a moment for the phone call to connect and then continues, knowing that Jarvis will be able to hear him even though the phone is in the backpack. "Jarvis, get Tony. I was out gathering my treasure when suddenly five fake Greeks dressed like insects attacked. End call."

\---

Tony was tinkering in his workshop when Jarvis abruptly kills the music.

"Sir, Calvin just called. It seemed like there's a bank robbery going on where he is. And if I understood him correctly it's Hydra that's robbing the bank."

"What?!" Tony abruptly stands, hitting his head but ignoring the pain. "Where's the rest of the gang?"

"The only one in the tower at the moment is Clint. I've taken the liberty and contact him, he's getting ready."

"Oh, well, good." Tony quickly goes over to the platform and turns into Iron Man. "Is Calvin ok?"

"I'm hacking the surveillance as we speak. Oh dear."

"What?" Tony was just about to take off, but hesitates.

"Calvin took out one of the robbers with a sack full of coins when they entered the bank. It also appears he shot another with his sword just moment ago."

"He shot one with his sword?"

"Yes, sir. Calvin wore a foam sword while visiting the bank, and seems to have trigged it somehow so he can shoot it. Since he hasn't put the plans on the server I'm reluctant to speculate how it works."

"Huh, a shooting sword." Tony has by now taken of and is about to snatch Clint on the way to the bank.

"Hell yeah!" Clint shouts as he's grabbed. "Do you think I can convince Calvin to make me some kind of crazy weapon or arrow?"

"You can always ask, as long as you're aware that they will be nonlethal. I think it even might be in his contract that he's not allowed to play with weapon of mass destruction."

"Yeah, that would be bad," Clint agrees before dropping off to a rooftop.

"Sir, I would just like to inform you that two of the robbers have entered the vault room, and that they took Calvin's backpack with them in responds to the sword incident."

"That can't be good," Tony mutters as he lands in front of the bank and then enters through the door, ignoring the bullets from one of the Hydra's. His big entrance is hindered by his stumbling when he sees Calvin's outfit. "Jarvis, wouldn't it have been a good idea to tell me that Calvin was dressed like a pirate. Just as a head up."

He can hear Clint snickering in his ear.

"I'm sorry sir, but how else would Calvin dress at a bank?"

"That might be true. I need to ask him about it later."

Tony isn't worried over the fact that Calvin is lying on his stomach on the floor with one of the bank robbers standing over him with a foot on his back. Not when he can hear Calvin complaining that it will be hard getting the footprint removed.

"Bad guys hands in the air!" The three, or rather two since one is still unconscious, complies since the Hydra's realizes that it's over. "Not you Calvin, I don't care if you're dressed like a pirate or not, you're not the bad guy here."

Calvin puts his hands down again and stands up, just to be grabbed by the closest robber. Who's not prepared to be smacked by a large rubber fish that Calvin pulls out of his trousers. He's then also nursing his arm as there's suddenly an arrow in it.

"Ok, that was just stupid of you," Tony tells the swearing robber. "And you! I'm not even going to ask why you had a rubber fish with you. Just stay here and don't do anything else crazy."

He then waits for Clint to arrive, which he does just a moment later. Clint immediately slides close to Calvin.

"All right?"

"Arr, these land lubbers are nothing more than bilge rats."

"Uh huh, I'm just going to see if I can get the last two."

Clint quickly and quietly goes over to the door that the last two robbers went into. But soon learns that there was no point in his stealth since the two of them somehow have manages to lock themselves into the vault, with Hobbes outside. The archer is certain that the stuffed tiger looks smug.

"Jarvis, any idea what happened here?"

"I'm sorry, but the surveillance seems to have malfunctioned, I have no video from when they enter, just statics."

"Well, isn't that just convenient," Clint mutters as he picks up the stuffed tiger. "C'mon, let's get you back to your owner."

By now the police have started to arrive and are handcuffing the Hydra's outside the vault. Calvin is gathering his things while talking to one of the officers, that looks more and more frustrated. Tony isn't helping since he's more interested in figuring out the whole shooting sword thing. Finally the cops let them go, mostly because they for once haven't destroyed anything and they don't want to change that. Happy comes to drive them home and cracks up when he sees Calvin in his pirate costume.

Tony is glad to have helped his friend to stop a bank robbery and even catching some Hydra agents. He's certain that they won't be at the police station long before some shield agents comes by and picks them up, he even told Jarvis to send a message to Coulson so he could do just that. Clint on the other hand isn't so certain that Calvin needed the help, since he somehow already had taken it three of the five robbers when they arrived. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to buy tuna cans from time to time just to stay on the good side of the stuffed tiger. But first, apparently, there will be a movie marathon about pirates. And probably grog since Tony Stark is involved. In any case it will be an entertaining night, he just hopes that Natasha is in time for it.


End file.
